


Stop

by yixingsus



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Emotional, Friendship, Mental Health Issues, Open Ending?, but they're internet friends, idk there's not really an ending, jongdae is Minseok's best friend, minseok is just really lonely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-20 02:14:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9470975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yixingsus/pseuds/yixingsus
Summary: Minseok doesn't think anyone will ever stay with him, no matter how hard he tries.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a real short thing I wrote that doesn't have any ending really but I decided to post it. Mostly just me writing to sort out my thoughts ? Yeah Also I know the title sucks but it's the best I could do //:

_ November 10 20xx _  
_**Luhan:** Minseok listen to me_  
**_Luhan:_** _I know you have anxiety so I want you to know that I don't break promises and I don't lie, I have never lied to you._  
**_Luhan:_** _I love you!!! And I won't drop you, okay? I swear I won't drop you. Please believe me._

_ January 05 20xx _  
_**Minseok:** Luhanniieeee  
**Minseok:** I miss you!! Where have you been )-:_

_ January 07 20xx _  
_**Minseok:** Luhan ? Are you mad at me or something….?_

_January 08 20xx  
**Minseok:** Luhan ?_

January 15 20xx 

Minseok was skipping school. Luhan wasn't speaking to him and Minseok was in so much pain. After everything, Luhan had still dropped Minseok. After the promises, the whole “I don't tell lies!” thing, he _still_ dropped Minseok. 

Minseok, who had always had problems trusting people. Minseok, who loved Luhan and wanted to take care of him. Minseok just wanted to make Luhan happy and hold him and _fuck_ he loved Luhan _so much._ He felt like he would _die_ ; it hurt that much. Maybe he was being stupid and over dramatic but after everything that had happened, could you really blame him?

_** December 24-January 9 20xx ** _

Minseok didn't know why Luhan had stopped talking to him. He read and reread all of their most recent messages probably a hundred times, and still he had no idea if he'd done something wrong or what. It hurt but Minseok thought maybe Luhan was just too busy (he pretended to not notice that Luhan was still posting semi-regularly). Once they were back in school, Minseok told himself, then Luhan would talk to him.

_** January 10 20xx ** _

Luhan switched seats in the class they shared. Minseok was at his regular spot, waiting for Luhan to sit next to him. But when the late bell rang, Luhan instead sat on the complete opposite side of the classroom. Minseok felt like crying.

January 15 20xx

Minseok bit the inside of his cheek. He couldn't stop crying and he hated it. But Luhan meant so much to him, of course Minseok was heartbroken. Of course it hurt. He still wished he could just get over it.

When his friend messaged, asking if Minseok would be at school, Minseok ignored the message and instead got on twitter.

_**Dae’s Minnie:** Jongdae )-: I miss you_

_**Minnie’s Dae:** minniiieeeeee!!!!! I miss u too))-:_

_**Dae’s Minnie:** I'm still really sad  
**Dae's Minnie:** abt Luhan_

_**Minnie’s Dae:** wtf I'm mad abt that_  
_**Minnie's Dae:** he's being so fuckin shitty honestly I want to fight him ???_  
_**Minnie's Dae:** I won't drop you baby_

_**Dae's Minnie:** thank you I love you  
**Dae's Minnie:** I won't drop u either _

_ January 20 20xx  _

Minseok's stomach churned with anxiety. All morning he felt sick with it, heart pounding hard in his chest, hard enough that he thought he might actually pass out. When Luhan didn't show up before the late bell, Minseok let himself feel a small sense of relief. _If he isn't even here, then it doesn't matter._

When he glanced towards the front of the classroom and saw Luhan, his stomach dropped and he almost vomited. He took a couple of deep breaths, telling himself _it's okay, it's okay, it's okay,_ a mantra repeated in his mind for a good few minutes. His anxiety didn't go away. Luhan was good as ever, laughing and chatting with the friends he had always liked better than Minseok. Minseok pretended it didn't hurt. He smiled to himself while listening to one of his favorite songs, _he needs to think you're doing just fine. Luhan needs to see. You don't care either._ But he did care. His anxiety was through the roof, even after taking his meds, and he couldn't do anything about it. He tried taking deep breaths, but Minseok's heart was still beating too fast.

He spent the class period going over what he wanted to say. Luhan sat at his table at lunch, and today he would confront him. Today Minseok would ask _why the fuck haven't you been talking to me, you fucking liar_. Or, something along those lines. But the thought of speaking up terrified the shit out of him, and as lunchtime neared, Minseok's anxiety only got worse, until he felt lightheaded and nauseous. The bell rang and his breath hitched. He went through the motions of gathering his things, going to his locker, getting lunch. He ate quietly for a while; the only person who ever spoke to him at lunch wasn't there. It was almost the end of lunch and Minseok braced himself. 

_I'm going to fucking do it this time_ , he thought. And then he sipped his water, took a deep breath, and looked up. Luhan wasn't talking to anyone at the moment and Minseok nodded a small nod to himself before opening his mouth to speak.

“Hey Luhan,” he said, voice clear and not too soft, and Minseok thanked the gods that he didn't sound nearly as nervous as he felt. Luhan looked up and Minseok considered giving up right then and there. He gave himself a pep talk for one half of a second and continued, “why did you stop talking to me?”

Luhan had a blank look on his face as he spoke. “Why did you-”

But the cafeteria was so loud that Minseok couldn't hear what he said, and before he could even process it, Luhan was walking away with his friend, out of the cafeteria. Minseok softly smiled at the people who sat across from him, then went to the restroom, locked himself in a stall, and cried. He cried and he was shaking and the anxiety that filled him was crippling. 

_What have I done, what have I done, what have I done_ , he blinked and tried to send a message to Jongdae, but there was no signal. Minseok was so alone, and at that moment he really felt it. He didn't think he'd ever felt that alone in his life. It was _agonizing,_ it was fucking awful, and Minseok choked on silent sobs.

He wanted to die. Minseok wanted to fucking _die_ , no joke at all, he legitimately felt like killing himself. Why did everything have to be so hard? Nothing ever went right with him, his friends never stayed with him, and it sucked.

The rest of the day was miserable. Nobody ever cared to ask how he was doing, his teachers got mad at him for not doing his work, and Jongdae never got online. Things weren't looking up for him at all.


End file.
